Pictures of Us
by AQuietReflection
Summary: S2E10 expansion inside of Cosima's mind. Cosima has taken photos of her and her sisters and Delphine, gifts for after she's died. Written as a stream of consciousness/letter to her sisters and Delphine. Please review!


" **Pictures of Us"**

The outside world can never see our faces, our smiles in moments captured in time. They can never see so many identical faces pressed together, immortalized in our photos. The world would ask too many questions. They would find out about us. They would know. And this would destroy us all.

Yet, I have pictures of us because I want to remember. I want to remember the times when I learned I had sisters, and our lives became chaotic and messy but at least we had each other. I was an only child and unaware of all I had missed out on. I wouldn't trade them for anything, even the simpler life I led before Leda and Dyad. I love my sisters, and so I take pictures of us to remember.

Or rather, so that they can remember. So they can remember me, when I'm gone.

I hate to think pessimistically, but I'm also a realist. I am a scientist. I know my disease is a ticking time bomb, and so I have prepared. There are dozens of pictures of me, pictures of us, together. I have assembled them all into boxes. One for Sarah. One for Alison. One for Delphine.

I know Sarah would frame the one of us together at the bar, so I've already done so for her. It's one of my favorites. We were so happy that night, so free to forget about our troubles for just a few hours. Strangers just thought we were twins, and that's close enough. Sarah played up the twin act, and guys bought us drinks. I even let her convince me to pretend to be interested just for the hell of it. Little did they know. Sarah was the wild twin. I was the smart twin. It was so easy, it almost felt like we had always been together. Like we had always been sisters. I think I would have liked that.

I know Alison will want to make a scrap book. Her crafts room is beyond impressive, and I know she'll want to take creative license with the pictures I'm leaving behind. I've printed and sized dozens of pictures of us so that she can make her scrap book. My favorite of that bunch is the one of us having dinner together. Alison was stressed about monitors and Dyad, and rightfully so. Sarah and I came over to cook dinner with her one night when Donnie and the kids were away. Rather, I helped Alison cook while Sarah mostly spectated and stole bits of the food. I managed to snap a photo of Alison and I as we were laughing at Sarah. She was trying to open a bottle of champagne, but ended up spraying herself in the face instead. The smile on Alison's face in that photo was genuine, a rare thing these days.

I haven't known Helena very long. Therefore, I don't have any pictures of her, except for one. The four of us, Alison, Sarah, Helena, and myself are all smiling into the camera. Felix took that one for us upon my request. Sarah looks genuinely happy, relieved to have Kira back and me at home, but also very tired. Helena looks curious and timid, unsure of her place amongst us yet. Alison's smile is a little strained, uncomfortable being too close to Helena just yet. I'm smiling brightly, just happy to have one last night with my seestras, but even my smile can't erase the physical evidence of my illness. I only just took it this evening, and so it is undeveloped on my camera. I hope Sarah will find it when I'm gone.

I also have a box for Delphine. I think it's the most special of all of them. I have never been able to post a picture of us on social media, never been able to brag about my hot girlfriend, the love of my life. Delphine hasn't been able to do the same. I'm ok with that, but I wanted us to have pictures together. At first it was just to document our time together, to remember all of the wonderful memories we've made in the midst of all of the bad. Now, I'm grateful for those pictures of us so that she will have them when I'm gone. I wonder how things will be for her after. Will she be able to stand looking at my sisters? Will it cause her too much pain? Maybe the pictures will help her through her grief, remind her of the differences between my sisters and me, help her to see them all as individuals.

In her box there are many things. A receipt for Eskimo pies. Ticket stubs from the time Delphine took me to the opera. My Dyad keycard. I don't think I'll need that anymore.

I've also included some of my childhood pictures. Me as a baby, snuggled between my parents. My first day of kindergarten. The year I went as a mad scientist for Halloween. The first time I rode a bike. The day I won first place at my middle school science fair, the first of many blue ribbons. Thanksgiving dinner with my parents the year I made a tofu turkey. My high school graduation. A few college photos.

It's weird to think that my whole life can be summed up in these photos. I wish I could have shared all of those moments with her. I wish I had many more with her, but I'm grateful for the time we've had together. I found love in the most unexpected place. I just wish saying goodbye wasn't so hard.

My favorite picture in Delphine's box is one that I took on a lazy Sunday morning. We spent half the day snuggled up in bed together, refusing to rejoin the rest of the world. Delphine's eyes were closed, and so I reached over to grab the camera from my nightstand. I managed to snap the photo before she realized what was happening. Eyes closed, her beautiful hair sprawled out behind her, and her forehead pressed into the side of my neck. Her mouth is curved into a gentle smile, her closed eyes squinty with joy. I'm beaming into the camera as I hold it above us.

The subsequent photos make me laugh. Delphine realized what I was doing after the first picture was taken and attempted to take the camera away from me. I have a series of photos of her attacking me as I kept snapping away at the camera. Maybe after I'm gone they'll make her laugh too.

I have asked Felix to deliver the boxes of pictures after I'm gone. He thinks I'm being selfish for thinking that way, but I know he only said it because he's scared. But, he's come around. In the last few weeks, he's even helped me take some more pictures to add to the boxes. I'm forever grateful to him for that.

I don't want to leave this world. I'm not ready to go, but I feel my body pulling me in that direction. It's getting harder to resist with every passing day. Sisters, forgive me for leaving. I know you don't think so, but you'll be fine without me. Delphine, I'm sorry I couldn't find the cure in time. Keep trying for my sisters. Please do it for me.

I'll keep fighting until the very end. I just want to be prepared.

Into whatever comes next, life beyond this world, I'll remember you all. I'll remember the times we've shared together. The love we've grown. The bonds we've formed. I'll be waiting for you on the other side. But, please, don't wait for me. Don't stop living. Sarah, take care of them. I know you will. Delphine, don't be afraid to find love again. If we can't be together, then I want that for you.

Just don't forget me. Keep me in your hearts, even after I'm gone. They'll be there as a friendly reminder of my life and my love for you all. The pictures of us.


End file.
